IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU.
I would say I’ve had “writer's block,” but that would be an understatement.
I’ve had writer's blockade.
If you thought that this was the end of the dry spell, you thought wrong. The first two sentences were just water droplets from a 10th floor A/C unit. The dry spell is still going strong.
I wrote those few lines, and then proceeded to have a standoff with the blinking cursor on the word doc. We called it a draw, then I called it a night. Three weeks later, I’m back with nothing. Hunters call it “empty handed.” Me? Empty headed.
Not knowing what is going to spill out when you sit down to write is a bit daunting.
Not knowing if anything will come out at all? Absolutely terrifying.
And that’s where I’m at. Which is part of the reason I’ve done absolutely everything to avoid sitting down and writing on here for a long time.
I’ve always been a self-reflective type.
Which is good, except it’s only half of the equation when you’re trying to better yourself. And if math class taught me anything, other than the fact that I’m terrible at math, it’s that you need the full equation to solve a problem.
If the first half the equation is “self-reflective”, let’s call the other half “self-reactive.”
I’m self-reflective. Which means that I have a pretty good grasp on how I tend to act, feel, react and essentially, live. So I often (but not always) recognize and reflect on my downfalls. I see my weaknesses and my self-destructive behaviors before, during and after they happen.
But as good as I am with self-reflection, I’m pretty terrible at self-reaction.
Meaning: after seeing the areas I need to work on—I’m not great at actually doing something about it.
So this is me doing something about it. First, about the dry spell. But also tying into my tendency to avoid doing something when it doesn’t come easy. About the perfectionist in me that doesn’t like to put something out there that doesn’t meet my standards. My tendency to avoid commitments. And my lack of discipline.
This is a darn small "something," in the grand scheme of things. But it’s better than nothing.
Christ’s call is filled with “to be” and “to do’s.”
And in full transparency, I have to put more “to do’s” on my to-do list.
So I’m going to be writing on here more. And unlike this post, they’ll be more like my others. Way less about me, and way more about Him. Told by someone who’s got a lot of work cut out for her.